now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ugly people sure do ruin things
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
