girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
