I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
