Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
