i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
