i jhust puked up my retainher.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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