im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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