I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
