I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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