I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
