She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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