Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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