Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize