Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
