I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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