Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
