I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
