so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
