Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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