My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
