Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
