When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
