You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
