guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
