oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
