i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
