and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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