booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
