are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
