My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
