i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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