Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're like the curious george of whores
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
