My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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