I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
