Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
