When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
