I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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