note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
