Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
