Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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