I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
sex in a hospital.. check
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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