watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
