I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who died my cat blue again?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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