He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
