i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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