Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
