Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
