If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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