I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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