So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
