There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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