Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
