i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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