Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
