I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
