Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize