i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
