Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
