I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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