just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
