This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
