Screwed.edu
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
