Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize