Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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