the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
