My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
