we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
