You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize