Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize