Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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