planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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