There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize