I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize