the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
