So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
