So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
