Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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