Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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