mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
