Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
