dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
